At some stage parents become aware that not all children are alike.
While one child may radiate confidence, another may constantly display signs of weakness.
One may be outgoing and the other withdrawn.
Studies have proven that children are born with in-built personalities that determine their reaction to life.
Several experiments done on twins separated at birth revealed their remarkable similarities in adulthood regarding their personalities, confirming that personality is something a person is born with.
Although the environment does influence personality, the genetic make-up cannot be disputed.
Since we cannot choose our own personalities or those of our children, we are urged to accept these differences and work with them.
There are four basic personality traits that characterise people.
The Popular Personality:
People who are outgoing, display high energy levels and who seek attention. They initiate conversations and enjoy helping others.
The Powerful Personality:
Are goal-oriented people who strive for achievement. They aim for control and enjoy challenges. They often become workaholics.
The Perfect Personality:
Those who strive for perfection in all their goals. They are meticulous and organised, often growing disappointed with less than perfect results.
The Peaceful Personality:
Contented people with no need to alter the circumstances of the world. They are generally reserved and avoid risks and challenges.
Although most people are a combination of two or more personalities, one is often predominant.
Do opposite personalities combine? Individuals sometimes display traits of completely opposite personalities.
A person may appear to be peaceful at home, yet become a power hungry individual at work.
In such a case, while a person may operate in opposing personalities, they don't really possess such a personality.
Due to life's stresses, many people are compelled to adopt personalities that are not part of their birth plan. We call this masking.
However, it is vital that we distinguish between our natural self and adopted self. Operating in a personality that is not our own can be very harmful - like constantly acting out a role in a movie.
What leads to masking?
A fear of rejection and a need for acceptance:
Children who have experienced rejection or lack of acceptance by loved ones, may alter their personalities to please their abusers.
They believe that if they, "work a little harder", "remain constantly quiet" etc, they may avoid abuse.
Meeting expectations:
Parents can alter children's' personalities by constantly expecting them to perform in a certain way.
A child can lose his opinion of himself by attempting to live up to his parents' pressing expectations.
Cookie-cutter parenting:
When a parent refuses to accept that each child is born with a unique personality and attempts to mould every child alike, children turn to masking to replicate their siblings.
It needs to be understood that every individual is different, the world is an interesting tapestry of the various unique personalities.
Whatever the motive for the mask you or your child may wear it's crucial that it be removed. Take the courage to show the world exactly who you are.