London - As every parent knows, preparing for a new baby can be an expensive business.
There’s the pram to buy, clothes, feeding equipment and the nursery to kit out.
But for many new fathers, there’s an even bigger expense to come once the little one has been safely delivered - only this purchase is most definitely not for baby.
The so-called “push present”, a lavish gift bought by a husband as a thank you to his wife for bearing his child, is becoming ever more popular.
For Zoe Willows, 38, a designer handbag was the present she requested - and received - from her husband Guy, 35, a marketing executive, following the birth of their son Dylan, now three.
“He asked me one day if it was traditional for a man to give his wife an eternity ring when she gave birth,” says Zoe, a full-time mum from Halifax, who has just given birth to her second child, Jemima.
“He said he wanted to buy something special for me and I told him that I’d rather have a handbag than jewellery.
“I don’t normally buy designer clothes or accessories, but I loved the idea of owning a classic handbag that would give me a boost on days when I felt, and looked, exhausted by new motherhood.
“Just before Dylan was born in June 2012, we went to the Mulberry shop in Leeds to choose my bag.
“I’ve used it almost every day since I got it and it even doubled as a changing bag for Dylan, since it’s big enough to fit nappies and baby wipes.
“There were days when Dylan was a baby that I’d go out with my hair unwashed and wearing unironed clothes, but it made me feel better to at least have a lovely handbag on my arm.”
As is so often the case, the push present was born in the US and has caught on here to such an extent that it is fast replacing the more traditional eternity ring as the gift of choice given to a new mother by her partner.
A recent survey revealed that 38 percent of new mums receive a push present.
Prince William is said to have given the Duchess of Cambridge jewellery from Princess Diana’s private collection after the birth of their son, Prince George, in 2013, and a bespoke brooch when Princess Charlotte was born last year.
When Victoria Beckham gave birth to her longed-for daughter, Harper, in 2011, husband David was reported to have commissioned a necklace for her as well as adding a vintage Hermes handbag to her already extensive collection.
While jewellery is a common choice, other popular gifts include tablet computers, cameras, designer watches and even a whole new wardrobe of designer clothes for Mum to wear once she has regained her figure.
Parenting expert Sarah Redshaw says: “Though many women believe a new baby is the only gift they need, increasing numbers of mums are definitely becoming more vocal about their desire for push presents.
“But we have also seen a real shift in the number of dads who want to acknowledge the sacrifices their partner has made during pregnancy and birth by marking the occasion with a special gift.”
Yet the idea of being rewarded for giving birth is one that sits uncomfortably with some women, who consider it tacky, old- fashioned and patronising.
Nathalie Dyson-Coope’s fiance, Jonathan, 34, presented her with a gleaming red KitchenAid mixer, the model made popular by The Great British Bake Off, after the birth of their son Callum in 2011.
Nathalie was thrilled, but some her friends said it was insulting and nothing more than a device to make sure she knew her place was in the kitchen.
“I’d wanted that particular mixer for years,” says Nathalie, a food allergy expert.
“I’ve always loved baking and making cakes, but never felt able to justify the hefty price tag. The fact that Jonathan secretly did his research and bought the best one on the market for me made me feel so special.”
“It wasn’t a reward,” she says. “It was Jonathan’s way of acknowledging all that I’d been through during pregnancy and birth.
“I wholeheartedly believe that women deserve a little something, however small, from their partner after having a baby.
“It shows he’s thought about her and realises the sacrifices she’s made to carry and have their child.”
Another benefit of the push present is that the more children a woman has, the more presents she will receive.
When Nathalie had Chloe, Jonathan presented her with a stunning white gold and diamond necklace. “Following the arrival of Callum, he opted for a more practical choice,” she says.
“As for the notion that push presents are patronising and sexist, that’s nonsense.
“Men can’t do much while we’re carrying a baby, but a gift is a nod to their appreciation for what our bodies go through.”
Lawyer Aoife Murphy, 35, agrees. In fact, she admits she was less than subtle when campaigning for a push present while pregnant with her first child two years ago, dropping what she calls “huge hints” to her husband Paul, 35, a plumber, about her desire for something special.
“I spent a lot of time telling Paul he had to get me something as a push present. He didn’t put up much of a fight,” says Aoife, who lives in Cheshire with Paul and their children, Ellen, 21 months, and Eoghen, four months.
“I wasn’t fussed about jewellery, but I love shoes and the one thing I have always dreamed of owning is a pair of Louboutins.
“Paul was proud of me after I’d given birth to Ellen in July 2014. Even though I slightly railroaded him into getting me a push present, by the time we went to Harvey Nichols in Manchester a few weeks later to choose my gorgeous black ankle boots with the distinctive red soles, he was only too pleased to buy them for me. At £650 they were a huge extravagance, but they were worth every penny.
“When you have a baby you lose your verve and feel as if you’ve been knocked sideways.
“But my new shoes really helped my confidence in a small way and made me feel human.
“The first time I wore them was when we met other friends with babies for lunch when Ellen was about two months old.
“I remember slipping them on that morning and suddenly I didn’t feel like a frumpy new mum any more. I felt confident again even if we were only going out for a casual meal.
“I absolutely believe a woman should get something from her partner as a gift after pregnancy.
“The point is that all the man has to do is put up with his wife or girlfriend being hormonal and then stand back and watch the birth, so a gift at the end of it all isn’t a lot to ask for.”
Designer heels also hit the spot for Rachael Jackson, 38, a data manager, who lives in Stoke-on-Trent with her husband Nick, 38, an IT technician, and their son Ethan, six. She discovered she was pregnant when they returned from a holiday in New York in October 2009 and admits she had no qualms about requesting something for her labour.
“I own 75 pairs of designer shoes including Louboutins and Manolos, but I had fallen in love with a pair of black patent peep-toe heels by Alexander McQueen that were £350 from Net-A-Porter,” she says.
“I had hinted like mad to Nick to get them for me that Christmas andwas hugely disappointed when he didn’t.”
Little did Rachael know that Nick had other, more romantic plans. When she returned home from hospital in April 2010, cradling their newborn son, among the balloons, cards and gifts from friends and family piled high in their living room was a shoe box containing the McQueen heels she’d wanted so badly.
“I was stunned that Nick had gone to the time and expense of buying them for me,” she says.
“Yes, the best gift of all was our gorgeous baby boy, but it meant so much that Nick had thought about me.
“When I took Ethan into work to show him off to my colleagues a few weeks later, I teetered in wearing my new 4½ in heels.
“Feeling tired and unattractive after pregnancy and sleepless nights, my wionderful McQueen shoes made a huge difference to my confidence.
“But mostly they are special not because of the price tag or designer label, but because Nick gave them to me to mark the birth of our beautiful son.
“Anyone who thinks there’s something wrong with that clearly hasn’t experienced the joy of receiving a push present.”
Daily Mail