There can be no denying the Suzuki Jimny is the coolest car on South Africa's roads.
It's giving "honey, I shrunk the G-Class".
It's functional and highly customisable too, and with the introduction of the five-door version, far more practical than ever.
I had the honour of testing the Jimny five-door immediately after spending a week in the spectacularly luxurious Range Rover Velar, and when the Suzuki arrived, I was more excited than I was when the footballer's ride pulled up.
Clad in black, with its charcoal grey alloys – the Suzuki Jimny, not the Velar – it was incredibly easy on the eye.
And there's no doubt about its off-road capability too, with a proper low-range gearbox and four-wheel drive, its skinny wheels helping with manoeuvrability in the rough stuff, great ground clearance, and pokey dimensions making it easy to navigate tight spaces when you're bashing the bundu.
But there's no way the thousands of Jimnys that have found loving, welcoming homes (in Cape Town, at least) are going off road as often as would be necessary to warrant ownership.
It's not some soft-roader crossover, and this is evident through its mannerisms on the road.
Those aforementioned boxy dimensions don't do the Jimny any favours in terms of wind resistance and noise, you definitely feel Cape Town's famous south-easter even when the wind isn't pumping. The tall stance and ground clearance also mean you're going to struggle around paved mountain passes.
Driving
The steering too, even below highway speeds, is vague. In fact, on one sweeping left-hand turn, doing 60km/h on Philip Kgosana Drive around the base of Devil's Peak, I found myself having to suddenly adjust and turn the steering wheel tighter when the Jimny decided it no was no longer feeling the bend and wanted to go straight instead.
It can be scary. It feels like the steering wheel inputs are gentle suggestions for the driven wheels to follow suit.
But then, dynamic driving is not what you've bought a Jimny for.
What then, did you buy the five-door Jimny for? It's not exactly practical — for one, in the cabin, there is nowhere to put your stuff.
There are door bins, sure, but they were too narrow for me to retrieve my wallet and house keys. There is a small stowage space under the dash, in front of the manual gear lever, but it's not big enough to fit a smart phone. There's a little glovebox to keep the owner's manual, but when I tried to fit my wallet into it too, the glovebox wouldn't close. There are two cupholders behind the handbrake, but that's about it.
It's no wonder there is a massive market for aftermarket accessories.
Tech
What works beautifully in the five-door Jimny is the tech. And by that, I mean there's not much of it, but what there is works really well.
The Suzuki infotainment system is a breeze to operate with Apple CarPlay and Android Auto connecting wirelessly and automatically.
Best of all, the climate control is operated by buttons and dials! So if you were trundling slowly along through the jungle, you don't have to go poking around a touchscreen menu to adjust the temperature, and what is handled by the touchscreen works effectively as well – the "buttons" are not overly sensitive, so you won't accidentally stab at something when the track gets bumpy, and the steering-mounted controls are also physical buttons – none of this haptic feedback nonsense.
Practicality
Legroom for the rear passengers is obviously a premium over the three-door version, but the seat cushioning isn't comfortable enough for me to want to spend more than an hour or two in them. Headroom is good, but I feel you're seated far to upright when you're in the back. The backrests are adjustable, but this does eat into the boot storage space somewhat.
There are also ISOFIX anchor points, but good luck trying to sit comfortably in the front when you've got a bulky rear-facing baby seat anchored to the back.
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On to the boot, which again, is better than the three-door version in terms of how much luggage it can swallow, but it's still not much. We had trouble getting the pram in, forcing us to have it standing upright, causing it to wobble around and raise my anxiety about it potentially knocking the rear window out.
There are plenty of plug and attachment points for additional accessories and anchor straps in the boot, though, so that's a plus.
The tailgate, as before opens outwards as opposed to upwards, which does make it a little tricky to manage in tight parking spaces, but the damped hydraulic hinge makes it easy to operate.
You will fall in love
The laundry list of reasons not to buy a five-door Suzuki Jimny is long and detailed, and yet, they have found so many homes. Even me, after driving it for a week and having to live with its quirks, when one pulls up next to me, this is the internal monologue that happens:
"Yes, it's terrible around corners. Yes, there's nowhere to put my stuff. Yes, the pram doesn't fit in the boot. But I still want one."
Its punchy 1.5 litre naturally aspirated engine gives off a pleasant grunt and hum under hard acceleration, and the five speed manual gearbox is easy to operate.
So, even against your better judgement, you will fall in love.
Pricing
Suzuki Jimny Five Door 1.5GL Manual: R429,900
Suzuki Jimny Five Door 1.5GLX Manual: R457,900
Suzuki Jimny Five Door 1.5GLX Automatic: R479,900