Mary* came to see me for the third time - she had first seen me about six months ago, made a follow-up appointment, did not show up for it, made another one about two months ago and then came back today.
Today, she was limping. Her face was bruised, her cheek split open and her eye swollen.
She was cradling her arm as though it hurt terribly. Her eyes appeared glazed. It was as though she was not really present, in this moment, but rather seeking to be in another world - anywhere but in her present horror.
We made tea and then began the session. She apologised to me for arriving in this state, but said she had nowhere else to go, no one to talk to who would understand and not judge her.
She apologised that this was the third time that she arrived at my office in this battered and bruised state, that she had said she would leave - every time she had seen me - but that she hadn’t.
Today, she wanted help to to get into a place of safety - definitely.
We talked for about an hour and I listened and reflected her pain - both physical and emotional. I reflected her sense of utter helplessness and hopelessness, her fear, her shame, her feeling of worthlessness and weakness. I reflected her courage at coming to me and telling her story. I reflected on the fact that she loved him. With her entire being.
We spoke about a protection order - again, of reporting him to the police. We spoke of a crisis plan and of a safe house again. She was determined this time to leave. As she had been the previous two times.
Her life was impacted by what was happening. She had missed so much work due to injury that she was on her last warning.
Yet, as our time drew to a close, I could sense her relief at having had the opportunity to vent, and I could sense her gradual withdrawal from having to face reality.
She started to say things like “its really not that bad” and “what if I give him one more chance - he said he would never hurt me again?” A conversation we had the previous two times I had seen her
- Story by Rozanne Ashworth, counsellor at Lifeline Pretoria.
*Names have been changed to protect identifies
Lifeline Pretoria - 0128041853
Department of Social Department gender-based violence toll free number - 0800428428
Rape crisis line - 0823402061