Dear Fathers: Don't look away, talk to your boys

Fathers want the very best for their boys and they hope or even believe that they are doing a good job. But beyond the basic do’s and don’ts, do fathers reflect deeply enough on their own behaviour? File picture: Juan Pablo Serrano Arenas/Pexels

Fathers want the very best for their boys and they hope or even believe that they are doing a good job. But beyond the basic do’s and don’ts, do fathers reflect deeply enough on their own behaviour? File picture: Juan Pablo Serrano Arenas/Pexels

Published Nov 26, 2019

Share

This year the focus of Independent Media's annual  #dontlookaway campaign during the 16 days of Activism for No Violence against Women and Children is #talk2yourboys. The goal is to focus on the male youth, educate and teach boys to become better men and in so doing, break the cycle of gender-based violence. Today we are talking to fathers.

Dear Fathers- Has your son heard you say that men are socially dominant and women are the

weaker sex? 

- Do you tell your son that men are in charge or are the

bosses at home, that men are better than women? 

- Do you call

women nags and bitches, or belittle women drivers within earshot of

your son? 

- Do you make violence acceptable by telling your son that

“boys will be boys” when he behaves aggressively towards his sister, or teases and

even bullies her?

- When your son cries, do you call him a sissy or cry baby, do you tell him it is not manly

to show emotions, that real men don’t cry, and men are supposed to be tough? 

- Do you tell your son he kicks or throws a ball like a girl, that a sport he may be

interested in, is for girls? 

- Have you ever teased your son when he plays with dolls with his sister or tries out her

dresses for fun? 

- If your son says he is hungry, do you tell him to go and ask his mother, it’s a woman’s

job to cook food and feed the family? 

- When you argue with your wife/partner, do you become verbally aggressive and/or

use offensive language in the presence of your son? 

- Have you at any point threatened

or physically struck out at your wife/partner in the presence of your son? 

- Are there any subjects about any facet of life, relationships, love, girls that you have

not allowed your son to discuss with you, or have not invited him to talk to you about? 

- Do you tell or laugh at sexist jokes, wolf-whistle at or make sexual comments about

women when you are with your son? 

- Do you avoid discussions about sexuality, gender equality and the need for women to

be respected?  

Fathers want the very best for their boys and they hope or even believe that they are doing a good job. But beyond the basic do’s and don’ts, do fathers reflect deeply enough on their own behaviour?

Do they truly consider whether they are, perhaps unknowingly, entrenching stereotypes around gender roles that subtly lay the foundation of future gender bias, even toxic masculinity, or possibly an adult that will be prone to gender-based violence. 

If any father ticked any of the boxes above, perhaps there is room for improvement to be a better role model for your young boy of whom you are so proud.

It is never too late to #talk2yourboys and take the father's pledge below:  

My son,

I pledge to always be the best

role model for you that I can

be. 

I want you to be proud

of me and look up to me, as

I wish to always be proud of

you. 

I promise to guide you in

becoming an exemplary young

man who leads by example,

and influences your peers

through respect. 

I pledge to teach you to

honour and respect women

in every way, and where I fall

short in anything I do or have

done, I promise to learn with

you and from you. 

Too many

men are ugly and horrible to

women, and some hurt them

really badly too. We must

change that. 

We must teach

our friends and other men that

women are our equal partners

in all we do – at home, in the

classroom, on the streets,

and some day, at work and

wherever life may lead us. 

All my love,

Dad 

* GET INVOLVED! Share your thoughts on toxic masculinity and how it affects our society via Whatsapp on 074 557 3535 or join the conversation on social media using using the hashtags  #DontLookAway and #talk2yourboys. 

Related Topics:

dontlookaway