By Sharon Gordon
When I try to identify which toy is the best for you, I will often ask – ‘Are you a G-spot or Clit girl?’
You’d think this would be a simple question, but it isn’t. Most just don’t know! And then if I had to ask you if you know where your G-spot is, the answer is even more confusing.
The reason I can’t tell you whether the G-spot exists or not requires an explanation all its own. The first thing you should know is that we don’t know that much about sexual anatomy.
Compared with the kinds of detail knowledge we have already developed on things like our circulatory system, our cardiovascular system, and our nervous system, our knowledge of sexual anatomy and response is miniscule.
People are still debating the physical structures of internal genitalia. So, for example, medical students are often taught that the clitoris is a very small structure that is mostly near the surface of the skin, and only extends in the body a little. But others suggest that its structure is of significant size and it extends much further into the body than previously thought.
The next problem with answering the G-spot question is that it is a name for a body part that the medical establishment has not yet taken on. So, you can’t go to any medical textbook and see a picture of something called the G-spot. This doesn’t mean that it isn’t there; it just means that it hasn’t been legitimized in the medical literature, yet.
There are many other reasons for the confusion but let me give you a more practical answer to your question.
Whether scientists ever agree, and whether it makes it into a medical textbook, many women do report that stimulating a particular spot, which is most easily reached inside the vagina, is very pleasurable. Here’s a link to help you find this area usually called the G-spot.
But it is very likely that even if everyone agrees eventually that there is a G-spot, many women won’t find it pleasurable to have their G-spot stimulated. The fact is that it is probably like any other part of the body in that some people will become aroused by having it stimulated, and others won’t.
Some people go wild when you nibble on their ears. Others will find that completely annoying and a sexual turn-off.
The G-spot is probably just like that.
If you follow the instructions on finding your G-spot, it’s a good way to start exploring, but if you can’t “find it” that doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you, it just means your sexual response is yours, which is something I hope all experts would agree on.
How to find your G-spot
Many women can stimulate their g-spot using their fingers. Some people will find it easier using a toy that is curved, either a dildo or a vibrator.
You might find your g-spot immediately, or it could take several attempts. Don't pressure yourself.
Avoid performance pressure about the "magic spot"
Many can become fixated on achieving a sexual goal (multiple orgasms, simultaneous orgasm, G-spot orgasms). I’m just happy when I have an orgasm! One thing I can promise is that this is the best way to NOT enjoy sex. Exploration is mostly about the journey, not the destination.
Turn yourself on
Any homework that starts with this is bound to be exciting. The spongy area around the G-spot gets engorged with blood when you’re sexually aroused, so it is much easier to find and feel when you’re turned on. The G-spot area is said to feel slightly different to the rest.
Get comfortable and find the G-spot area
Lie on your back, squat, or lie on your stomach. Place your palm face down on your vulva and slowly insert a finger inside your vagina (use lube if you’re feeling a little dry), crooking it forward in a “come hither” motion. When you’re up to about the second knuckle you should feel a slightly bumpy or ridged area on the upper wall of your vagina.
Notice how the G-spot feels
The texture of the G-spot area will likely be noticeably different from the typically smooth walls of the vagina. When you’re aroused it can expand, so feel it at different times during your arousal to get familiar with its contours and sensitivity. The G-spot responds to pressure, so press down and pull forward using that "come hither" motion with your fingers.
Explore the G-spot with toys
For some it can be awkward to stimulate the G-Spot by hand. A G-Spot vibrator or dildo can be a great helper in this. Apply a little lube to your toy and insert it with the tip (if it’s curved) pointing up towards your belly button. Take it slow, and not too deep. It is usually located near the top of the mons (the top of the pubic bone).
Experiment with pressure and motion
Some women will find pressure against the G-spot pleasurable, some women like the feeling vibration from a toy and some don’t like it at all. Experiment and see what feels good for you. For most women, the G-spot responds to firm pressure. In the beginning, use your toy as if you are trying to scratch an itch—don’t pull the toy all the way out, but use short strokes, applying firm pressure, against the G-spot. Try a circular or back-and-forth motion and experiment with different vibrations and speeds.
How do you know if you’ve found it?
You’ll know you’re hitting the spot as you feel tingly sensations, the urge to pee, don’t it’s not sexy! Try to breathe through the urge you’ll be in for a pleasant surprise. You may or may not ejaculate, but ejaculation is perfectly normal (and it's not urine).
If you don’t at first orgasm, try try again. It can take several practice sessions before you notice any build up. Try varying your position, using a different toy, experimenting with breathing and kegel exercises (to strengthen your PC muscle), or having a partner help you.
If you’re playing around and it’s not doing anything for you, try something else, and know that there is nothing wrong with you, and what turns us all on is incredibly individual and unique.