Rio De Janeiro – Away from the cheers of the victors, the Olympics can also seem like the loneliest place in the world for those who don't make it.
Bridgitte Hartley wept after her 500m canoeing sprint semifinal, as her 5th place saw her qualify only for the B final.
“I always knew this was going to be one of the toughest races, especially with the pressure from London,” she puffed.
She wept in London, too, but those were ecstatic tears, as she celebrated the day of her career, a precious bronze medal, her reward for years of dedication.
On a sun-kissed Lagoa De Freitas stage, there was no passage to the final, and a chance to repeat the heights of London.
So the tears that escaped from her clutches were of regret and pain, because it really hurts when it doesn't quite come together.
“Everything just came together that day, I don't even know how to explain it,” she said, smiling briefly at that recollection.
To her credit, Hartley fronted up and saw her media commitments through, when all she probably wanted was the comfort of her dad's arms.
“I'm really disappointed. I always knew that there were at least 15 girls here who could make the A final.”
She explained just how long and lonely the last four years have been for her.
“It probably doesn't help that I am the only one doing this at this level from South Africa.
“I get very envious of other girls from other countries, because they normally have top-class training partners. I never knew if I was good enough, because I didn't have someone pushing me hard in the water, like I did before London.”
For Hartley, top training requires a mission to Europe, something which she said comes at its own cost.
“It's lonely. You have a choice to either go to Europe and be lonely there, or train alone at home.”
Not that she was looking for excuses. The lonely path was something she reconciled with herself long ago, and those circumstances made London as special as it was.
In Rio, it just didn't happen for her.
“I just didn't feel my boat running properly. It felt like every stroke was slowing me down,” she said of the semi.
“ I don't think it was the waves or anything, and I usually enjoy a headwind. I was excited to race,” she explained.
“It only felt like it came together in the last 200m, but I kind of knew that it was too late.”
“I really felt like I was struggling with the movement of the boat. The boat run is important, and I just never got it together,” she lamented.
Hartley now has to pick herself up for the dreaded B Final, where the winner gets a pat on the back, and little else.
“It's always tough. I've been here before, at many world championships. I qualified for Rio through a B final, where I managed put it together after a bad semifinal.”
Today (Thursday) will be Hartley's final stroke at this stage. It hasn't ended the way she wanted, but she still took a moment to reflect on an incredible journey.
“To get to the Olympics is flipping hard! It's not always about the medallists, because it is made up thousands of athletes,” she noted.
“It's hard, but I need to remind myself of that.” - Independent Media