It’s the holidays. Be honest, if you could, you’d be off to Durban to escape the cold, but actually, there’s plenty to do here, right here in the centre of Joburg.
Say that to anyone in the suburbs and you’d have more luck selling Beirut as a midweek break.
Like all prejudices, it’s nonsense. You’ve got to be careful in the CBD, just like anywhere else, but it’s not the shoot ’em up, smash ’n’ grab paradise of yesteryear.
There are also some seriously cool things to do, and not just for the kids either.
Choose a Saturday, load the family up and head into the CBD.
Start at the old Carlton Centre for the best view of the city.
Built between 1976 and 1984, it’s still Africa’s tallest building. There are vertiginous views when you arrive, after all you’re 50 storeys (223m) up and the view to the west is floor to ceiling. It’s a wraparound vantage point, complete with illustrated photographs telling you what you’re seeing from Wemmer Pan in the south, to Coca Cola Park in the east, Hillbrow to the north and Auckland Park to the west.
Years ago you would have had to put in coins into the floor mounted telescopes, these days it’s all part of the fee. You pay R15 at the desk on the ground floor, go to the dedicated lift and whoosh all the way 50 floors to the top. Your ears’ll pop on the way up, they’ll definitely pop on the way down.
The top of the Carlton is a little rundown, but the view makes up for it. You can find parking in the Carlton itself, or across the road from the old Carlton Hotel, after which you get into the shopping centre via an underground access.
On your way out, head due west. There, next to the magistrate’s courts, are the refurbished offices of the old Mandela Tambo law practice, known as Chancellor House on the corner of Fox and Gerard Sekoto streets.
Go back around the courts heading into the CBD. Wander into the mall on Main Street which starts at Anglo American’s head office. You’ll be met by a reproduction of the old impala stampede, an incredible bronze of, you guessed it, impalas stampeding. The original, which was gifted to the City of Joburg by Harry Oppenheimer, was stolen and probably melted down. This one basks happily under the gaze of corporate security.
If you wander on down, you’ll come across some really cool exhibits from Joburg’s old gold mining days, from head gears to stamp mills. There’s a restaurant a couple of blocks down for refreshments.
Returning to your car, head north up Miriam Makeba Street into Newtown. And here, lies the true jewel of this tour.
But first, for brownie points, take the kids to Sci Bono. It’s an interactive, state-of- the-art facility where kids can play and learn about science at the same time.
Entrance costs R20 for adults and R10 for kids.
After about an hour, take the family for the real education, SAB’s World of Beer. Adults pay R55 to get in, this gives you a 90-minute tour which is actually really interesting for everyone from five-year-olds to 75-year-olds. I know, I’ve tested it.
At the end, your ticket entitles you (and everyone in the party) to two free beers on tap in the eponymous tap room. It’s a truly beautiful pub with great views into the CBD. It’s also got a really good menu, pub grub to be sure but generously served and well produced.
There’s only one downside. You can’t get more tickets if you run out, which I suppose is to ensure the pub stays kid-friendly.
So there you are. A fun-filled day or half a day in the “badlands” of the Joburg CBD at very little cost.
And once you’ve done that, who knows, maybe you can go pavement shopping on Pritchard Street next time and pick up some specials that have to be seen to be believed.
But first things first, take it gently.
l Sci Bono
Mon-Fri: 9am-4.30pm
Weekends: 9am-4pm
Cost: R20 for adults, R10 for children
l World of Beer
Tue-Sat: 10am-6pm
Cost: R55 an adult, R15 a child (under 17)
l Carlton Centre skyroof
Mon-Sun: 7.30am-7pm
Cost: R15 an adult, R10 a child (under 12) - Saturday Star